Everything shone that morning. The sun was bright, and reflected beautifully off of the new wax job on the Lamborghini, and the bikes and the now not-so-grimy Suburban. It was quite a sight to see…really, it was!
“What the fuck!?!”
“Well, you guys took soooo long getting your shit together that me and the boys…er…rats, decided to kill a little bit of time last night. We did tune ups on the wheels, then we washed the fuckers, then we waxed and buffed up everything…then we..”
“All right, all right. We get the picture. So we took our time. Time to go.”
“S’about time…”
“ALL RIGHT I SAID!!”
“Sheesh”
<GLARE>
<GLARE RIGHT FUCKING BACK>
The roar of the engines starting echoed off of the peaks next to Tim’s cabin and bounced towards town far below, it’s only a pity that there wasn’t a vegetarian left to enjoy the sound…or at least there might have been a few vegetarians left to enjoy it. Mark hadn’t written just how effective the bomb was…only that it took out Joe-Normal et al. in the middle of town. Just to be safe, Marc was going to follow up on the carnage a little bit…ahem.
When Roger, Tim, Charly, Larry and the gang got to the edge of town, they couldn’t believe their eyes. The level of chaos was amazing! Almost every building in the area was on fire or already burnt to the ground. Meat-eaters were everywhere, trying to stop the fires before their homes could catch as well, some trying to make the most of the fires and looting or feeding on the dead and wounded. Some of the rats took a few shots at the latter, but no matter how many they actually shot, two more were ready to take their spots at the feeding frenzy.
One dog was sitting at the side of a little boy who’d been walking him, and was licking at the little hand, whining incessantly. Larry tried to chase it away, but it only growled once, whined again, and sat back down. A few people walked about, dazed and confused, some holding bandages up to their heads, trying to stop the bleeding that had already stopped. The streets were full of ME’s (Meat Eaters), but nowhere to be found were the VE’s (Vegetarians).
“The bastards! The fuckin’ sonofabitches did it…they went and did it!”
“Did what Larry?”
“They dropped the big one!”
“Huh?”
“They dropped the Anti-Vegetarian bomb that they mentioned on page 98.”
“Now we have an even GREATER cause for hunting down and killing Ronny and his bunch of mass-murderers! I don’t believe that he could do such a thing…now Charly and I won’t have much of a choice but to leave after all this is over. We’ll walk out into the sunset just like the prophecies said we would. Look at this place, man. We won’t be able to live here after all this. Shit!!”
“Nice monologue.”
“Thanks”
We drove past all the shit that Ronny’d done. He’d really fucked the town over. The mood had changed from something glorious, to something darker. It was turning into a quest for vengeance. The rats and I would get the asshole Ronny for all this shit. We’ll hold the fucker down while the rest of the gang took their shots at him, then we’ll cut the fuck open like a sardine can, and pull the fucker’s intestines out and wrap them around a long pole. Then we’ll parade the fuck through Farmtown to show what happens to people who fucked with us. I instantly regretted waxing the bikes. We looked like we’d never taken a bad hit, while the rest of these poor fucks had taken one hit to the groin. Sure, we looked slick…like knights in shining armor, but…fuck! People hardly noticed us, and those that did never knew that we were on their fucking side, and were out to get the sour fuck that’d done all this shit to them. We quickly drove through the place, and took the newly renovated tunnel out of the city onto the road leading to BU (Burger University). Both Charly and Larry looked to where their rides had been taken out of the picture, and out of the story, almost at the beginning. Charly cringed the most, and developed a twinge on that one. I still don’t know how the lucky fuck got out of that one alive, and in one piece.
The rest of the ride to the BU was in silence. Everyone was getting their anger up to a boil. That hatred would help us keep the adrenaline going for the upcoming fight. Ronny’d given us an adrenaline rush without even thinking about it. He’d given us “Rightful Indignation” , and that would be his fuckin’ problem in the end.
We started hitting the first resistance about a mile from the University. From out of nowhere, a shot rang out and hit one of the wolves knocking him off his bike, and onto the pavement. The way he rolled, like a broken doll, we knew that he’d died even before he’d hit the pavement. We quickly stopped the caravan, jumped off the bikes and leapt into the ditches for cover. Nothing happened for a while, and then one of the rats started to get up and head for his bike. A shot rang out and spun the rat like a top. He hit the pavement hard, but he wasn’t dead.
From the way he was writhing though, we could all tell he was in pain. The rats were arguing about whether or not to go out and try to rescue their fallen brother. I guess that it was taking too long for the sniper, wherever he was, because he put another bullet in the writhing rat…this one in the leg. The rat howled like one of my brothers, but he didn’t die. One of the rats ignored the others and took off for the middle of the road to pull his bud out of the line of danger, but before he’d gotten more than five feet, a shot’d taken him in the head, killing him instantly.
Me and the Wolven had seen stuff like this in ‘Nam. The sniper would try to draw out the heroes and pick them off like flies. Another shot hit the fallen rat, and knocked him back to the pavement where he’d managed to get to a kneeling position. This time, one of the guys spotted the shooter, and it was time for us to go into action. My boys are bad-ass mothers. They did their tours of ‘Nam and came out with some impressive skills. One of them started putting together a sniper rifle from out of a foam incased satchel, which he’d smartly taken with him into the ditch. It only took him thirty seconds, even with his ham-sized fists, and then he was taking aim. <THMPT> The sniper fell out of his tree and hit hard. The rat was almost dead, and didn’t last too long after we’d started bandaging him. Selena wouldn’t have been able to help him, even if we’d brought her along with us, which we didn’t. The two rats went into the sewer grill as per Roger’s instructions. “From the sludge…back to the sludge” he’d said…whatever that meant. We were a bit more cautious from that point on, and didn’t get caught with our pants down again. The second patrol we hit was within sight of the gate. We’d abandoned the bikes and the cars to be on foot. It was going to be a quiet but effective assault, and the Harleys just made too much damned noise for that. We managed to avoid this bunch by pressing to their left, and then sending a couple to double back and finished them off.
Frenchie played her part well, distracting them using her “best walk”, as she called it. The fucks were too busy looking at her fabulous ass, not even asking themselves what the hell she was doing in the middle of the forest, to notice the two wolves and Larry coming up from behind them. I gotta admit though…Larry sure can use those blades of his effectively when he puts his mind to it. He took two of their heads off with one swipe and was half way to the third before the bodies even hit the ground. He never got the chance to reach the fox though, because one of the Wolven came out of nowhere, and had wrapped a garrote around the poor fuck’s neck and snapped it before the guy could even blink. The last one died noisily when the other wolven’s knife didn’t work fast enough.
That was the end of our silent assault. Whistles started blowing right away, and bells started ringing. The next thing we knew, shots were coming from the windows of the infamous Burger U. Shit!
It was time to split up, all right. It certainly wasn’t any good to let them pin us all down at the same spot.
Eventually, they’d take out the big guns and just hit the spot we were all bundled into so conveniently. There was a slight change of plans, though. Some of the rats had gotten an idea from the impromptu burial a mile back, and they headed, in two bunches of four towards sewer holes we’d seen a while back. With them went two wolves, each with safe-breaking backgrounds. Maybe they’d find a way through the perimeter that way, and be able to get to an opening. Frenchie’s little trick wasn’t going to work this time. They’d admire her beautiful bod all right, but then they’d fill it full of holes so the fuckers wouldn’t have to wait their turns raping her. Weird fucks! Two ‘fists’ (small pack of five wolves) were going to take some of the heat from the rest of us by distracting hit-and-run attacks on the perimeter fence (this is not to say that they wouldn’t get in when the time was right, but only that they had greater potential for damage from outside), while Larry, Charly, Frenchie, Roger, his two (dispensable ensign type) other rats, and I with my second in command Terrence, would go over the fence in the rear. The sun went down slowly, shining in the eyes of the sum in the B.U. building, and putting us at a distinct advantage. We’d scattered a bit and were trying to thin out the perimeter defense a bit before making a run for it. We’d scored a few hits, but only one definite kill. We did manage to take out two of the search lights that Charly had spotted before the shit hit the fan. He really had good eyes and had mumbled something about a strain of Eagle in his family tree
somewhere. The enemy didn’t really notice that only specific lights had been taken out of the picture…that is, the lights that would cover a little bit of land that we wanted to take as our route in. The sun was almost down, and we could already hear the grenades from the two ‘fists’ putting big holes into the fences.
<WHOOOOOOOOOSH KA_BOOOM!!>
A streak of light followed by a blinding explosion showed where one of the ‘fist’ had succeeded in hitting the
power-plant on the side of the supplementary building. The lights going out showed that they’d done enough damage to it for our needs. The power came back on immediately, or at least most of it did, the red emergency lights turning the snow a coppery hue, that would swallow the blood of our enemies. The power had come on very quickly, and had found a ‘fist’ of wolves out in the open, racing for the building. They’d been forced to jump behind a dumpster for cover, half-way to the building. Unfortunately, two of the wolves hadn’t quite made it to the dumpster. One was using the body of the second for cover, and popping off shot after shot into the lights. He wasn’t going to last long, not with that cover.
It was dark in here. Even with the flashlights to help us out, and our eyesight which was used to this kind of lighting. The explosions were echoing down the passage ways, letting us know that the shit was on, and that we didn’t have all that much time to get to the building.
“Hey, Freetos Breath. How much longer?”
“shh, keep talking in low capital letters…that way they won’t hear us .”
“Oh…I’m sorry.”
“we should be under the fuckin’ building now, but I can’t find an open grill…much less a closed one, don’t these fuckers take a crap. they aren’t like normal cartoon characters like Bugs fuckin’ Bunny, who’s been eating carrots for twenty years and still hasn’t taken a dump.”
“Stand…um, stand back…I’ll make us an exit.”
“let the wolf pass.”
grumble grumble
<BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM OOM oom oom oom oom>
“shit…does it have to echo like that?”
“WHAT?!”
“I SAID SHIT DOES IT HAVE…’NEVER MIND…HIT IT!!!!”
The dust wasn’t even settled when we jumped out of the hole in the floor that the wolf had conveniently placed beneath to feet of two hyenas doing rounds. This had been easily done considering that the bomb had taken almost an entire hallway, and the odds of NOT taking out someone was pretty shitty. We had to find our way to a rear door to get the thing open for Larry and the rest to find their way in…even if I wanted to go for the clown alone, with my bunch, we’d get slaughtered.
The sewer grill squeaked shrilly as I pushed it aside. Didn’t these fuckers ever oil these things? Yup, this would do all right…perfect. The rats squirmed out one by one into the small janitors hall on the other side of the hole, and covered the only door to the place. The wolf had a fuck of a time getting through the hole, but eventually, with a bit of heaving on our part, and some huffing and puffing, hehehe, on his part, he got through and we were on our way. The corridor outside was empty except for a pair of lion guards at either end…easy enough. We popped out easy as pie and quickly shot the two fuckers in the hall. The silencers helped out a good bit. A pile of “thppt” sounds later, and we were in the clear.
“Hutnee me laddies…tis time ta strrrrike whilst the irrrron is ‘ot. Larrray an his boonce of rrats ‘rrr on de att’k nue and w’l neeed ourrr he’p. Onwarrrrds heathen sol’ierrrrs, marrrrchin’ as to warrr. (I know…I know…it’s a Christian not Pagan song…but what else do religious nuts sing in war)
Well that’s it it’s official. The war has begun. We were up to our asses in shit. And I mean trouble not that brown steaming ooze that rips its way out your fucking asshole. I mean, shit! We had at least breached the perimeter, not with a neat little explosion like I had hoped, but hey! We knew this wasn’t goin’ to be no fucking walk in the park. So, on to plan ‘B’. The ‘on your own’ arrangement. We split up into small groups, believing without a doubt that this was the smarter option. This way each ‘bat’ could wreck havoc on their little fortress in their own special way, and still have the security and power that comes from a team assault as opposed to a single individual. We had taken out a good number of fuckers so far. Not as many as I’d hoped, but still every little bit helps. We had lost a few of our own as well, but I guess we all couldn’t expect to come through this mess unharmed. Who fuckin’ knew that Tim and his gang were in the fucking Vietnam war together?!?! Holy good fuck, but that sure the hell is a bonus for our side. Then again, Rheeta and her squad of neo-nazi foxes were not exactly inexperience with war and heavy artillery. In school they were all on the archery team and rifleman’s Club.
They were founders of the local chapter of the Ku Klux Klan and started a skinhead gang to do most of their dirty work for them. They were in the army cadets and the grenadier guards. They even went on a field trip to Germany were they trained with the remaining SS Gestapo.
“The fuckin’ Gestapo man! Can you believe that?!?”
“Yeah Rog’, we know…we were there remember? Why are you telling us all this now…in the middle of a fire
fight?”
“Uhmm…nevermind…just talking to myself…keeps me calm.”
“Sure…whatever…”
What the hell was keeping them anyway? It was supposed to be a quick entry into the building, fight their way to the front door, and let us all in. We were being shot at like crazy! They must have been stocking up ammo for a year for this one, even though Larry and Charly’d only started this vendetta a few short months ago (even taking into effect the weird change of seasons at the beginning of this story)
One more corner to fight our way around, and we were going to be right at the front entrance, or so the wolf had said…but then again, he’d said that at the last turn. We’d encountered fairly weak resistance so far, but I guess that they’d be keeping their heavier stuff on the tower taking potshots at our boys outside, or massed inside for a last ditch effort at pushing us out in case we got this far. The last of the hyenas fell to the fire coming from our bunch. We hadn’t lost a man yet, but that might change soon enough. Sure enough, there were the front doors. Behind the security desk were three lions with what looked like a fifty caliber rifle on a pod, pumping bullet after bullet out into the night. The tracers made the thing look almost like laser beams going out…it was pretty, but there was no mistaking the rattling cough from a high caliber gun like that…that was the sound of death.
Smiling, I popped out a grenade from my belt clip and popped the pin on the little pineapple grenade.
“Watch this.”
“Where’d you get that one, Freetos ?”
“Shhh…HEADS UP!”
The grenade rolled across the waxed, shining floor (washed every fifteen minutes by a pubescent geek with an identity crisis, who thought that Ronny was a God) and came to a stop right under their legs. The look on their faces was irresistible man! I couldn’t help but pull out a disposable camera and take a few quick pics before the grenade went off and sprayed their flea-bitten hides all over the walls. I took a few more shots, and then we rushed to the doors and threw them open. The flares we’d brought came in very handy for just this, and lickety-split, the front door looked just like a landing strip where our forces would come in. I took a pull on my cigar and said “Shit! I love it when a plan comes together.”
“Hey that’s my line” said Hannibal from the A-Team.
“Hey, that’s my name!!” said Hannibal the Gibbon.
“Shut up, Hannibal!”
The flares looked like paradise to me, but then again, I’d been under fire from heavy machine gun for more than my share of minutes now, and almost anything would look good to me.
“There the fuck they are, finally!”
“Good eyes Roger. We’re going in guys, keep your heads down and your asses in gear…especially you Larry. We need you for the climactic ending.”
“Sure thing, Chuck.”
We popped out a few smoke grenades and started running towards the front door, firing shots towards the
windows, trying to keep the fuckin’ sniper’s heads down while we were out in the open. It was the longest fuckin’ hundred meters I’d ever run. I was so fuckin’ proud of Frenchie! Not only hadn’t she cracked, like I thought she might when the shooting started, but she’d actually popped a few shots off at some of those fascist foxes, and even hit one! I knew that her husband had pissed her off, trying to kill her, but I hadn’t realized the anger in her. It was turning her on!
Everything was working out beautifully according to plan. The binoculars were bringing everything into perspective. It was actually going to work out like I’d planned after all. So what if a few of the lions got
scragged…that was their business after all, not mine.
“There’s no place like home…there’s no place like home.”
<CLICK><CLICK>
“Stop saying that Hannibal…and for God’s sake, get those damned ruby slippers from off your feet!”
“But Rheeta…they look so nice on me.”
“Shouldn’t you be getting in place for the grand finale?”
“I wanted a window seat…not an aisle seat.”
“Shut up and go, Hannibal!”
“Yes mistress.”
“Oh, yes by all means Larry, Charly come in, come in…and take all your friends in with you. Yes, there you
go…and you too…uhm…you too…there that’s all of you.”
Rheeta put down the binoculars, and grabbed the CB on the table.
“Red tide…this is Foxy Lady. Red tide, this is Foxy Lady…close the door. Now!”
From the woods near the north side of the building, the floor seemed to rise for a moment. The snow banks, made with hardened plastic shells and covered with a light layer of snow were pushed aside, and from beneath them came twenty-five of Rheeta’s best armed and best trained fox commandos, and five lions wearing strap-on fifty caliber rifles in low slung shoulder/hip cradles. They started at a run towards the front doors through which Charly and his bunch had just entered. A touch of a small button on the desk next to the CB sealed all the other doors and windows.
“What the hell?!?! The windows…the door, they’re slamming shut everywhere!!”
“It’s a trap…back to the door! Everyone out now!!”
“Too late…here come the reinforcements! Rheeta, you bitch…I’ll get you for this one! I’ll cut off your other tit for this one!”
<<”NOT LIKELY LARRY…GET READY TO MEET YOUR MAKERS HAHAHAHA>>
<BLAM><BLAM><BLAM><FIZZLE><FIZZLE><POP>
“Well, at least we don’t have to listen to her on that damned speaker system anymore. Retreat to the hallways!”
We were fucked now. Why hadn’t I seen this one when I’d set up this plan-B? This building could become a
deathtrap, just like outside. Plenty of spots where snipers could hide, or booby-traps could be set up…all giving Rheeta a full, and safe view through her security cameras. Tossing a few grenades, and one lit stick of TNT behind us, more to slow them down then to do actual damage, we headed at a full run towards where I’d seen the fire stairs. With luck, these’d be open, and we could fight our way up, floor by floor to the top floor five stories up where, supposedly, Rheeta would be along with Ronny, our arch-enemy. A couple of rats agreed to stay behind and hold the stair entrances for us for as long as they could, before joining us. Every moment counted now. We couldn’t get caught in the stairs with no room to maneuver, but at the same time, we had to get upstairs…and the elevators were out of the question. We hit the doors hard, thinking that they’d be locked too, but they were open, and Tim went flying through them almost as if he was running the old obstacle course back in Gym class where he used to be our teacher. Damn, but these weren’t your average obstacles…but then again, Tim had never been your average Gym teacher. I remember that he’d been the only teacher to ever get accepted into the student’s smoking area, near the back stairs, and that he’d roll his own cigarettes with what he called his “special blend”, which smelled far too sweet to me. He’d whistle “Werewolves in London” and pass around his cig’ for a toke or two. Now, he was risking life and limb for us, and taking his ‘Nam buddies with him. We really owed him big for this one.
“C’mon, move it Lizzzz-arden! This isn’t the time to reminisce.”
“You got it, Tim!”
Oh, this was working out even better than even I had ever thought possible. I’d gotten Larry, Charly and his bunch stuck in the fire stairs of this little fire-trap that Ronald called a University. Ha, what a joke this was…and I was going to see it all go down.
“Now, if I could only finish zipping up these leather pants…ugh..everyth…ing would be great.”
“You really look spooky in that outfit Rheeta.”
“HANNIBAL!! What the hell are you still doing here?!?! I thought I’d told you to get ready.”
“Rheeta…I am ready. This hiding spot is closer than you think. hehehehehehehahahahahahahohoho.”
“Don’t get nuts on me now, Hannibal. We’ve only got a little while left…you can go nuts afterwards.”
“Yes, Rheeta. Hmm…you look just like Darth Vader in that outfit…only Dathy-boy never had tits like those…nice job rebuilding that left one by the way.”
“Thanks. I thought that the cape was a nice touch.”
“It’s a pity you don’t have a face mask too.”
“Why…Oh, you asshole! Get back in your hole.”
“Yes, Rheeeeeta.”
The bullets were echoing through the stairwells, and ricocheting from off of the metal stairs in every
conceivable direction. At least they weren’t using the heavy explosives. They, like us were afraid to use the Big Bangs, just in case they brought the whole stairway down on our heads, with them on it. A few times, we’d gotten close enough for Larry to actually use those blades of his. The guy was really strung up about not being in the middle of the fire-fight, and was taking every opportunity as if it’d be his last. This time, he’d leapt up the stairs three by three, and jumped right into a bunch of hyenas coming down to replace the last bunch we’d pushed back.
Larry landed right in between two of them, and on the chest of a third. The crunch from that guy’s ribs echoed sickly up and down the stairs, but not quite as loudly as the screams from his fellows as Larry sliced into them.
With one swoop, he brought his sword up, slicing the arm off of the Hyena on the right. Ignoring him for a
moment, he deflected the barrel that had been heading for his belly with the sai that he was keeping in his left hand. The roar from the gun going off nearly blocked out the scream the guy gave off when Larry brought the sword around for a short cut. The Hyena had been leaning back, trying to get out of the range of that fearsome sword, and the blade only caught him across the cheek. It cut through one cheek, nicked the tongue sliced it’s way out the other cheek, effectively freeing the guy’s lower jaw from the muscles used to work it. His jaw hung loose, a grisly gasp on his face which only lasted a moment more. I shot the guy’s face off so I wouldn’t have to look at that again, although I knew that I’d see it again and again in the future.
Ronny opened the door to the freezer slowly, not only because he didn’t want to be caught, but because he was half frozen from his stay there. Picking the door open using the freeze-dried penis of his ex-lover had been tough, but not as tough as it would be to get to Rheeta and pay her back!
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